October 6th, 2005

{ naruto ; kyuubi } rawr

Bad Days

Well, it's official. Gabby and Brooke aren't friends anymore. I'm not suprised. Actually, I'm envious. I envy Brooke for telling Gabby how she feels, for having that confidence. I envy Erin, because she can flat out tell gabby when she is acting like an immature three-year-old, and I envy Debbie, for being able to get out of this mess with stealth. I found myself thinking alot about Erin lately. She isn't going to be here much longer. And the thought is tearing me apart inside. I don't want it to be that way. I wan't her here with me. She and Thomas had a fight, but they made up. Me and Erin had an IM debate about love. I cant say what to make of it considering she randmonly signed off during the middle. I was pissed but I'm sure she had a good reason for it. I suppose that is my problem. People say I'm negative but i'm not. I'm hopeful. I just sit back and hope everything will be okay being someone to have their shoulders weighed down by the tears of another. I like it like that. I dont want to have to cry on anybodies shoulder. But I wan't to cry. I like it when I cry. It makes me feel better, more relaxed. But I haven't been relaxed lately. Far from it, I have been really stressed out. Gabby holds me as her doll. I'm halfway between breaking the puppet strings and being free and clinging to the strings for my dear life. I don't know what to think anymore. I wish someone could do all of my thinking for me. Is there a wrong way to be in love? Is there a certain code you must follow? I don't know. I have been in love. I am in love and will tell no one but the person when the time is right. It's not who you think, I'll just say that, but I know the pain. Love is like a past fatality. It's fragile. It's devious. But most of all, my love is unrequited. Unrequited love is pain, unrequited love is suffering, unrequited love is also life. Life is a bitch, if life were a slut it would be easy. I hope this pain lasts no longer. Because I can't fucking take it anymore.
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