『MIKEWASHERE』 → Mike is a FAGGOT. (bloodnblack) wrote,

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Yes. It's been a while since I've updated about anything that matters.

Stacie said I couldn’t spill anything until she got back, so now that she has, THE OBNOXIOUS SUMMARY POST OF A – quite frankly – KICK ASS CONCERT FOLDS OVER. (Or something of that like. I’m unsure how to phrase it. Well. This is really my summary of the entire deal. I took my sweet time.)


I will start off by saying this concert was one of the most moving experiences of my life. There was some sick beauty throughout the entire thing, and I’m well aware this will sound pretty damn obsessive, which is rather alright with me, because, whether I could be classified as obsessed or not, it was still amazing, and I really wish I could have shared the concert experience with more people, not because Stacie was bad company, no, she was utterly amazing, but because it was just so damn beautiful, and I wish so many more could have seen it.

So I will start from the beginning.

(WARNING: This live report sounds fucking obsessive, contains pictures that kind of suck, and is probably incorrect in some places.)

I think it was either late November or early December that I actually found out about the event. I had become quite the little Vulgarist over the year, and I was utterly shocked at the news, and since I couldn’t find the tour dates anywhere, I thought it was just a rumor. But I found the tour dates, and I screamed at my computer, something loud and terribly obnoxious, when I found out that they were coming to Atlanta.

My luck with bands is shit. Utter, utter shit.

So, in December or so, when I learned they were coming, I screamed. Because it was Dir En Grey. This band is amazing. This band is utterly amazing. Each of them… there are very few bands where each member is utterly necessary, but Diru has that, and that makes it incredible. Their music is just... I love it way too much, and I will admit, it was an acquired taste, but when I watched their Child Prey video for the first time (and mistook their drummer, Shinya, for a girl >__>;) I was just… awed. I wasn’t much into J-Rock at the time, but that song… I couldn’t understand what the hell he was saying, but god did I love it. It was them. And, over time, I got more and more of their music, and somehow managed to snag one of their records, Withering to Death, from Hot Topic. It is damn rare to find their music for sale at a normal store, and it wasn’t long before they were taken off the shelves, but I was in heaven.

Withering to Death is an awesome record.

Dir En Grey, all-together, is an awesome band.

I told my parents about the concert, and I was persistent. I knew as soon as I saw that they were coming, to Atlanta, to a place that I COULD REACH, that I had to go. I had to go, and I was going to go, even if it meant me sneaking out in the middle of the night, hitching a ride on a Greyhound, and going to the concert all alone. (And I had made plans to make this happen, if need be, for I can be a very crafty person, and such a quest wouldn’t be impossible for me to pull off.) Every month or so, I would take a jab at a parent, “Have you thought about it?” and every time they just said “Maybe.” Maybe means no. It always means no. So I began to work on a plan to make it happen.

It was by chance that Stacie found out it would be possible for her to go as well, and not only was this AWESOME news for me, but it would be helpful for my plan to get this to happen. Originally, the price for tickets had been $35, but in time they had certainly risen, and I remember the day I managed to drag my mom down to check it out, and the price was way beyond our reach. I cried. I just cried. It was pathetic as hell, but I did, and it worked.

This hadn’t been a part of the initial plan, but it worked out nicely, as it showed my dearest mother how much I needed to go.

So the next day I got them off ticketmaster for a grand total for seventy some-odd. I think.

The same day I found out Stacie was going too.

It was hell the day before we went. Mom and I were both panicking, unnecessarily because we suck like that, but nonetheless, it was a fret and it put us both on the edge. It was the only hitch in it, and that was good, because I really didn’t have the patience for much more than that. Not because I’m an inpatient person, but because I’d had a hard week, and I wanted this so much to be perfect. It had to be.

The next morning came too late. I remember practically running our stuff into our mini-SUV, the smell of the snacks practically nauseating and the emptiness in my stomach unfelt. All I could feel was excitement. Happiness… It’s such a rare thing in me, but it seemed to flourish, like a heat inside of me getting warmer and warmer until the threat to alight completely hung dangerously close, and that showed in a giddy smile and how well I treated everyone. I acted like a damn nine-year-old, for the first time ever, and it felt awesome.

Each minute in the SUV was like one minute of my life to be taken away from Dir En Grey, and Stacie, and that was something strange, and it lasted forever, it lasted so many repeats of the mix CD I made for the car that wouldn’t kill my mom’s ears. I had Jack’s Mannequin, Garbage, Cake, Muse, Bile, Stacie Q, Stefy, Electric Six, Of Montreal, Green Day, Hot Hot Heat, The Pixies, The Vapors, Miyavi, and one song by Dir En Grey, just to give her a taste of what was to come. I decided to give her a song that was relatively loud, but not like, off the walls, so I put Machiavellism, which is one of my favorites of their songs. She seemed just… surprised, when she heard it, like she had expected Slipknot or something, and it wasn’t. It was loud, yes. But it wasn’t all screaming. And I couldn’t tell if she hated it or not, but I did know she didn’t like it.

(Not as though I suspected any different, but I didn’t and don’t care.)

Hours later we’re weaving through concrete spider webs, and the sun is glaring down at us, giving us no heat, but a harsh burn directly in my eyes, and I’m playing with my hair and biting my nails too much, a combination of childish excitement and something like worry. I’ve always had a complex that something or someone hated me. Everywhere I go, someone is thinking I’m the worst person in the world, and I was scared, far too much so, that Stacie would feel this way.

It is animalistic, the way I beat myself up.

When we arrive at the hotel, Stacie isn’t there, and for a few seconds, I was freaking out, but those few moments were spent in the bathroom, as I had needed to go after the long drive for a good three hours, and I was starting to get pretty goddamn desperate. I called Stacie a little while later, and apparently she was at Wal Mart, so I waited for her to show up in the lobby, chatting aimlessly with my mother in an attempt to calm my nerves. (This didn’t really work. But it killed time.) Every time the door opened, I would jerk up, and after three different sets of people going in, someone walked in, and I think my heart stopped cold.

Stacie. (She had jumped out of my computer to save me from the wicked witch of the west.) I think there was a hard second where we just stared, in an almost dead fascination, as if neither of us could really believe it was happening, and even as I am back at home now, it still feels unreal. It all happened so suddenly, such a hard, rapid jerk from the norm that I practically couldn’t comprehend it, and when I finally did, I jpractically flung my ass up and lept into her arms. Her hug was really tight and loving, and I’m not used to hugs like that, I’m used to hugs that feel awkward and aren’t really consensual, one you flinch in and just don’t like, but her hug was actually real, and I clung to her like if I didn’t, I would die, and I know that must sound pretty pathetic, but love is a battlefield, as they say, and I needed it. I needed that hug.

After that I was higher than a kite. Me and Stacie decided to go run around, because her step-mom and my mom were talking mom business and neither of us were really interested, so we went up all the floors on the elevator and, I think it was the fourth floor, I ran up and down the hallways. >>; (Do not oppress me. I was happy. I was very, very happy.) I remember her saying “You’re as hyper as you are on the internet.” And I felt kind of weird. Like I was portraying myself falsely. To those I don’t trust, to basically any I don’t know, I don’t say anything, and I hide behind my hair or something, but in this case, because it was Stacie, I didn’t want to waste my time, or hers, being shy.

At some point we decide to go back to the Lobby, and the parental figures have decided to stop wasting time, so we collect our bearings and head up to our room. Me and mom are in room… 521, I think, a room on the very end of the hall on the fifth floor, and Stacie’s room was conjoined with ours; 523. I don’t waste time in getting dressed, and my dress is fushia with black polka dots and fishnet makes me look like an utter retard, but I go over to Stacie’s room and ogle the beautiful faces in her CU+RE magazine. (As well, she gave me a beautiful black heart necklace, and an AFI bag, which mad me go “8__8” inside and out. I love presents.)

Eventually it’s time to go. (I swear I must have been running to their bright red rental car that kind of reminded me of a giant credit card with wheels.) And when we get in me and Stacie listen to Hime<3 and watch a little Nip/Tuck. (It was an episode about a stripper who wanted breast reduction surgery, I think. I couldn’t stop gigglesnorting on the inside.) And we didn’t waste any time at all getting lost, which I really hate being, so I was sort of squirming about it the entire trip. BUT. On the way there. We saw a silver fire-hydrant.


That was amazing. *is such a tennessean*

Also, we saw a sign for the Museum of the Art of Puppetry, which made me squeal like a little fangirl. (But of course.)

Eventually we found a parking spot, for there was a parking area outside of the Roxy, but it was $20 for a space. Which is bloody insane, give or take. I don’t know exactly how cold it was out there, but I was reminded every few minutes of how cold it was from Stacie. Poor, poor little Stacie. Floridians do not belong in Atlanta in February. Hell, nobody belongs there when it’s that cold. (And as I’m typing this, my hands are so rigid from the cold I’ve typoed a million or so times, WHICH IS NOT COOL KTHX. I need warmth.) We stood around in the cold for too long while mom and Stacie’s stepmom enjoyed how warm it was inside some resturaunt, and I was furious at them for taking like, an hour, to get us some chicken and fries. But once they arrived we got to eat in the resturaunt and enjoy the warmth. Several strips of chicken, some French fries, weird tasting ketsup, weirder tasting coke, and a bathroom trip later, we’re racing back into our spot in line, and shiver for much too long before something happens.

Something amazing.


It sort of moves in clusters. Every four or five minutes we get to move forward another ten steps, but it’s not standing in the same place for over an hour losing all of your body heat to a cold front. Honestly, as I think about it, I was probably too excited to freeze. I was wearing a lot less than Stacie, but even so, I wasn’t shivering a lot or even that cold, I was just really, really, REALLY excited, and I think it might have actually helped me stay warm. (That, or I’m a super hero or something. FLAME ON!) Eventually we’re in the alley close to the Roxy, and there is sharpied Grafitti on the walls.

“Come to the candy mountain with us Charlie.” (Ilu perkygothiam">)
“OMG! Line’s moving!”
“Oh my GACKT!”

I only took a picture of this one for Ino. At JM, I was known as Ino-chan by like, everyone, so it was fate-tastic to see that. I also really want to call that number. >>;

This is my favorite. Oh my god. Just. Look at it. Does it really require explanation?

It took forever, but somehow, some impossible way, we managed to get in with none of our tickets being fakes. I seem to have a very powerful paranoia of things like that happening to me, so I was pretty damned relieved when all of our tickets scanned in just fine. We manage to force our way in, commenting on posters of the opening bands we’d never heard of and really didn’t want to hear, and making our way to the merchandise table. I swear, I wanted everything. They had CDs, they had DVDs, they had posters where every one in four was autographed, they had tee-shirts, they had dogtags, they had everything, and hot damn, I wanted it all. Of course, I wasn’t planning on even thinking about getting more than one thing, because we’ve always been extremely tight on money in our house. I was shocked, however, that my mom got me a tour shirt.

I love that thing. It’s amazing. I will wear it as much as I possibly can, and hopefully, one day, it will actually fit me right. (I’ve learned something about me. I’m apparently not as big as I think I am, so I really don’t need a large, I need a medium, but I have this insane ‘omigod I’m so fat’ complex, so when I’m actually buying the shirt, I always get a large anyways.) I’m working on shrinking the thing. (It would be nice to see it fit me. Along with a lot of my other teeshirts. Like my other Diru shirt. That thing is like, an XL. I wear it like a dress at every angle x_x;) My mom bought Stacie a dogtag, which I have learned she rather likes, as she has this gorgeous Itachi one, and now a black one with Dir En Grey embossed into it. Both are absolutely rad.

After we nearly get crushed between bodies, we end up – somehow – in the stadium area, and the Roxy is a tiny venue. I mean. Tiny. I was shocked at how small it was, and ecstatic about how intimate the concert would be, no matter where we were. I, rather desperately, wanted to go in the pit of people, for that would have me as close as possible to the band, but, in a logical thought process, I probably wouldn’t have been able to see well. There were a lot of people taller than me. A lot.

(None of the pictures taken from inside are very good, I'm afraid ;_;)

So me and Stacie and my mom and her stepmom went up to the balcony where are tickets were. No one was really paying much attention to ticket numbers or whatnot, and the entire time, as we found a spot to sit, I was just in a haze. It was real. Throughout the experience, none of it felt real, but as I stared at the stage that couldn’t have been one hundred fifty feet away from me (close, compared to all the giant stadium concerts I’ve attended) I felt so disconnected. Not in a bad way, not at all, in this… floaty way, and, pardon the analogy, but it sort of felt like doing pot. You just do it, and it never really comes to you how much fun you’re having, and then it’s over.

But it was long to be over.

Stacie and I chatted animatedly about things I can’t really remember for a little while, and knowing us, we were probably squealing about Toshiya and Shinya. I love every member of Dir En Grey, because they all are beautiful, all are extremely talented, and all are fairly entertaining to watch, but I adore Shinya. (Drummer, if you remember me saying that.) And Stacie feels the same way about Diru’s bassist, Toshiya. Both of them are incredible, and we sort of… fangirl them, for lack of a better term, so, although I can’t remember exactly what we were discussing, I have a fair idea. ^_^;

When we start to see cute Japanese tech boys running about the stage, we begin to flip out, for tech people on a stage means that there will be music, and when there is music, therein makes a concert, a concert. All the while, Diru music is playing from the amps, but it is quiet, muffled by the constant buzz of the crowd, the utter excitement, the taking of anything they can get because we’re all so damned excited. This little buzz of ohmygodit’sactuallyhappening lasts for a good while, and continually do we wait, and by the time the lights go out and the projection changes to something saying “Bleed the Dream”, we are at a loss for patience, and the screaming begins.

The realization, however, that this was just some opening band was very depressing to the crowd, so, in retaliation, we were tough. (Really tough.) They were called Bleed the Dream, and were a collection of these skinny punkemo things screaming something into the mic. All in all, they were pretty good, and the lead singer was absolutely hilarious, as he seemed to be having little convulsions on stage., and I can’t really tell if he was trying to be funny or not, but he was and it was absolutely amazing.

Their music, as I listen to the audio recording over again, is a lot better than most opening bands, for opening bands seem to be cursed to play really terrible live, and therefore having an entire room full of people who want them off the stage. We, as a crowd, weren’t super enthusiastic or anything, but we screamed for them and made them feel as though we sorta-kinda liked them. (Which we did. At least Stacie and I did. And most of the people I talked to about the concert said they were fairly good as well.)

After a lot of songs by them, and I mean, a lot, they finally leave, and the lights go back up, and at this point, we are ready for Dir En Grey. We were nice and warmed up, plus we really wanted what we payed so much money for, so hot damn, the crowd was getting annoyed. Stacie and I tried calling people, so first we tried Charlie, but she didn’t pick up. Then Lihn, who also ignored us. Then Megan, then Erin, then Jordan, then Kaleigh, and basically everyone in my address book, and no one bothered to answer. So we gave up and just chatted about Bleed the Dream. (“When I get home, I’m gonna go pirate some of their music n_n”)

So, tech people move in and off the stage, and eventually does a band end up before us, but the projection says Fair to Midland, and the audience was definitely disappointed. If anything, I really liked the opener played on their first song, this little keyboard deal, and after that, there was like, an explosion of awesome noise. However, this awesome noise didn’t last for very long, for the vocalist started making his throat create sound, and that is really all it can be described as. I hated it. He couldn’t sing, at all, and I wanted to stab myself in the ears through all of their songs. The vocalist wasn’t even that amusing to watch. The Bleed the Dream guy rolled around on the floor and did some amusing things, but this guy just sort of walked around.

The funny thing was, mom looked back and me and Stacie and said “I like them!” all enthusiastically and such, while me, Stacie, and about 1200 other people were in pain.

I was annoyed.

In fact, I think everybody was annoyed.

Because, seriously, no one liked them. The crowd was totally dead for them, and everyone who went to one of the Diru concerts thusfar has told me how much they hated them.

By the time they were off the stage, everyone was pissed. Pissed that their time had been stolen by a crappy band. Pissed because everyone was really tightly compressed and starting to overheat. Just, all around, really, really pissed. We wait for a while, and that’s sort of an understatement, because I remember it feeling like utterly forever. Me and Stac’ talked about how much the band sucked, but I wasn’t thinking about that at all. My mind was racing. Because I knew there couldn’t be any more openers, and I knew that in a matter of minutes, what I had been waiting for was – finally – going to be real. Finally, finally, they would be there, and even as this slowly began to dawn on me, it still seemed like some sort of out-of-body experience.

The tech people came out and tested instruments, and the projection changed.


I screamed. I think everyone screamed. The band wasn’t out there, but we were all so excited, everyone had to scream.

The techies took their sugary sweet time in tuning, and teased us a lot, which made us more and more anticipated. A guy said something in the mic, and a few played a few chords of the guitars, but I think the worst part was the drumming bit. I think I forgot to mention this, but Shinya’s drums, which are like, three times the size of a normal set of drums, were covered in a cloth, which made them hard to spot on first glance. I had noticed them before, in all of their gigantic glory, but as the techs tuned up everything, someone, from behind his drums, let rip a beat. I swear to god, everyone screamed. Because, it was such a good beat, and had so much power, and I think we were all so desperate, that who we heard was Shinya. Someone behind us shouted “OH MY GOD THAT WAS SHIN-CHAN.” Which amused me, because she said –chan very, very American like. Anyways, the pounding of the drums made us freak, so god, at that point, we were one very, very excited crowd.

And then.

Something happens.

(I bet you can guess what it is.)

When the techies are done, finally, and leave the stage, and after too many everlasting minutes of waiting, something utterly amazing happens.

I think it was Shinya that came out first. He’s wearing this small white shirt, and his blonde hair and pale skin was like this little blotch of brightness against a slate of black. The lights had gone out, and the stage lights on, so the stage was blue and hard to see. But it was Shinya. In my mind, he wasn’t as tall as he was in actual sight of him, but he was even skinnier, and his shoulders were a bit sharper than I had expected. (That poor boy needs to eat.) I can’t remember what sort of pants he was wearing, or shoes, because I was just entrapped at staring at his face, his face I could see so clearly even though I was so far away.

I don’t know if it was Kaoru or Toshiya who walked on the stage next, for neither or them had any trademarks as they usually did. Kaoru didn’t have long hair, and it wasn’t dyed any erratic colors, and Toshiya wasn’t dressed in anything insane, and his hair was a conservative brown, not much different from Kaoru’s. I think I got the difference between them when I zoomed my gaze in on the ‘I’m your god’ look on Kaoru’s face, and, at this point, Stacie, me, and the rest of the crowd are screaming too much for cohearant thought, and for some reason, the only thing I can think of is a line from a song by the GazettE.


That just seemed to be the atmosphere from the band.

Kaoru and Toshiya were on the left side of the stage, and they were putting on their guitars, and Shinya was center stage, this tiny form behind a pair of towering drums that seemed to loom above him, though his confidence showed that he knew how to play his instrument to the last, finest point. Die walks in next, and he is at the far right of the stage, so he doesn’t have far to walk, but the way he moves his arms towards the crowd, beckoning our erratic screaming radiates the best line associated with him.

“I’m a fucking rockstar!”

And that was him.

Stacie and I are on our feet, and some guy behind us says “Sit the fuck down!” I pretended like I didn’t hear it at first, because most of the people in the balcony had stood up, and we scream as much as we can. He yells it again, and I turn around, in irritation, and I will start off by saying I normally don’t do this. I’m a very withdrawn person, and I have a very intense social phobia, a drastic inferiority complex, and every time I let loose I feel like I’m showing myself too much. I am just… really uncomfortable around people, and being in a huge crowd, I was scared. I didn’t let it show, but I was terrified, and it took me something terrible to get the confidence to take off my jacket, because it didn’t take long for the place to warm up.

So when I wheel around him and tell him to fuck off, it’s a big deal, and beside be Stacie says “Morgan!” (not really repromanding, just surprised, because we both wanted to punch that guy), and that immediate sense of regret follows. The guy who had yelled at us is in his late thirties, rather large, harbored some piercings, and didn’t even look interested in the band. He says “Sit down little girls.” And I’m damned irritated, not at his insults, if you could call them that, but the ignorance a person would have to come to a concert that costs a lot of money and tell the people around you to sit down. After a minute, me and Stacie get to move a few seats over, out of his slothful’s line of sight, but for about five minutes I was really scared. My fear was utterly unrealistic, of course, but it existed.

I calm down through my screams, and I focus in on the stage, the stage that seemed so empty without the voice of Dir En Grey. There was like, a sense of depression about it, an emptiness there that could only occur when Kyo isn’t there to complete the band. The audience starts to chant. “KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL!” A chord is stricken up and the chanting pauses for about fifteen seconds. “KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL!” More chords, more music, and the pause is a little longer, but then the chanting again, the pumping of fists, the screaming, and 1200 people pulse with the need to have him before us. “KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL-”

The chanting is interrupted with screaming. Loud, high pitched screaming, and no one cares that they are screaming, and no one cares if the person next to them thinks they look stupid, because it is real, and it is happening. He walks out, and he greets the crowd like a god, and we, the crowd, treat him as such. He’s wearing a shirt that I know he won’t waste time in ripping off, and his hair is bright, blonde, and everywhere, and the essence of Kyo is in his glare. He stares at us like he hates us, and, in the same fashion, he loves us, and we love him either way. There’s a desperation in the screaming, and we need him to start, and even at my distance, I could see him smirk.

And the party begins.


It depresses me to say that I didn’t recognize this song until the very end, so I wasn’t singing along to the lyrics, but my god. This song… It just blew me away how strong they were. They had so much power, and the music in the giant amps of such a tiny venue made my ribcage rattle and my body go weak, and I didn’t give a damn. I screamed and I danced and I let myself go insane, and the sounds of his yelling and the chords of the guitars, and watching tiny little Shinya make incredible noise with his drums in such an elegant manner… it was amazing.

The way it felt to watch them, a band I practically worshipped, live, and the fact that Kyo could sing just like, if not so very much better than, his records was just incredible. So many bands studio edit the voices and guitars and drums to make it a more intense sound… but Diru, they didn’t, and it was so evident. It was the first song, and I was already in shock.

Somewhere near the end I realized I actually knew this song, and I felt like a retard, because I had thought it was a new one. Though… most of the crowd wasn’t singing along with him yet either, which made me feel better. This is famous to be their opening song, so I wasn’t surprised they were playing it, and even though I didn’t recognize it for a while, I was still amazed at the sounds they were making with what seemed like so little effort.


This song… Gods *_* It sounded like it should have been in a Resident Evil game, as it always has. The guitars are so powerful in it, and my eyes were practically glued to Kyo. I had always thought, ‘Why don’t the other members get any credit? Why is Kyo everyone’s favorite? Doesn’t anyone think Kaoru, Die, Toshiya, or Shinya is great?’ But seeing him on stage made me realize just why everyone seems to worship the guy. His voice was so powerful, and it projected something amazing, and combined with the rage of the song… it was just beautiful.

This is just really is a good just bang your head and go crazy song, and that’s what Kyo did for us. He went a little crazy. And it was amazing. He could do the convulsions on stage if he wanted to, and, unlike the Bleed the Dream guy, he could pull it off with this grotesque form of… pretty in it. It was a song off the new album, so I couldn’t sing to it, but I began to catch onto the chorus and worked with it, plus I had heard samples of the track before. (Woot, Internet.)

They just blasted straight through the song, and we screamed and screamed and screamed, and I can’t completely remember, but it was either this song or the next where Kyo ripped off his shirt, which spawned a lot of screaming in the crowd. (I screamed, of course, because if Kyo is tearing off his shirt that means his trademark of cutting himself to pretty little pieces on stage was about to unfold. So scream I did.)


… I’m not even sure what was played. I really don’t remember them playing conceived sorrow. But I’m going to recollect how I was feeling during the third song, even though I don’t really know exactly what it was >>;;

I think I might have lost myself when this song started playing. It was about at this time when I realized it was actually happening. And somewhere in the audience, at this song, did I see a girl get carted out, which I am assuming was koshii’s friend, who she talked about in her live report. I felt sad for her for a little bit, but then I got distracted by Kyo of course, and at some point in this song, I started to cry.

It wasn’t obvious or anything, there were just little dots of water in the corners of my eye, and I think one fine tear slid down my cheek, through my thick purple mascara and my black eyeliner, and if it made a mark, I wiped it back immediately, and I continued to just scream with the rest of the crowd. The song was amazing. I’ll say that about all of them, but this one… it was so incredible, and I didn’t know the words, but I banged my head and let my arms in every direction and I screamed and screamed and screamed. The lights were flashing a million beautiful colors, and my mind was in a million different places, and my chest hurt so much.

But I didn’t give a damn.

Agitated Screams of Maggots

This song was so drastically different from CONCEIVED SORROW, but I was ready for the change, and I started jumping around, screaming in the appropriate places, and otherwise just letting Kyo do his Kyoscreams and his Kyosinging. I was watching Toshiya, Die, and Kaoru for most of this song, and Die apparently had a fan in front of him ducked behind an amp or something, because his hair was blowing back the whole time and he looked like a covergirl. (I couldn’t help but laugh at him. I love you Die, really~)

Ignoring the fact that Die was amusing the hell out of me with his blow-y hair, this song… Jesus Christ. It was really the best taste of what the band could really, really do live. It was such an amazing performance, I went crazy, and Stacie looked downright nauseated next to me. Throughout the show I was asking if she was okay, because I didn’t want the poor girl to pass out or anything, but every time she would assure me she was okay, and I was glad she never did get sick. It was certainly something I was damn scared of happening.

At some point, the song ends, and the moment where there was no music playing I just sighed, and I felt as though god (-Kyo, probably) had stolen my soul and my breath out of my chest, and I was just in some sort of unwavering amazement as I stared and stared and stared. The lights changed, Die looked like some sort of Christ with his hair blowing like that, Shinya looked like an angel painted in a room of demons, Kaoru had this constant expression of mellow-discontent, and he reminded me of a devil, Toshiya just looked like a little kid, but he pulled it off so well, his smile so cute and goddamn innocent, and Kyo... Kyo looked like an embodiment of rage itself.


I have always loved the opener to this song. The way the guitar screeches with such a creepy aspect, it gives me the chills, and the shrillness of it reminds me of Halloween, with the music that would come one whenever someone was about to die and/or being killed. And god… they played it so well live.

I don’t remember much of what I did or felt during this song, actually, which is quite a deviation from how this report has progressed so far. I just remember how chilling the guitars sounded, and how the PV kept flashing through my mind as the band gave it their all. (I love that PV.)


This was the first song everyone in the audience knew by heart. I remember Stacie screamed at me “I LOVE THIS SONG!” and I just screamed back “EVERYONE LOVES THIS SONG!” The audience went totally crazy when the familiar chords started to play, and the build-up before they broke into their music was just screaming, utter, utter screaming. They played this one so beautifully, and I remember, the lights went purple and the way it all looked, it was beautiful. It was so damn loud, and they made sure that everyone in the audience could hear, and during the softer parts, where Kyo is almost alone in his voice, (-aside from the retarded audience screaming at this. LET HIM SING GODDAMN.) it was just… gods. Beautiful.

When THE FINAL hit the chorus, we all sang with him, and we all sang like we meant it. He let us. At points, he just gave us the mic, and it was intimate, so very much so, but when he broke into his first scream, the more we screamed and sang with him. Everyone was singing, and everyone was loving it, and I remember how excited I was when I heard the song come on, the way my heart just slammed against my ribs and everyone had their moment.

I watched Kyo closely in this performance, and I think this was when he started clawing into his wrists. Though I’m not sure. He did the wrist clawing pretty early on, and god, even from my distance, the way he did it… it looked so true. I expected him to bleed somewhat, but when he did claw his arm to pieces, he didn’t bleed, and I find it creepy, upon reflection, at how much I had wanted him to.

I think the best part was at the near end of the song, when he gave us the mic at “SO I CAN’T LIVE/SO I CAN’T LIVE!” and then he sang Ikiteu akashi sai and gave us “SO I CAN’T LIVE/SO I CAN’T LIVE!” and continued to sing. The moments when the audience got to sing his lines… there were so many people, but we all had it right. I was pretty pissed about how loud everyone was when he pulled the song to a finish, considering “Let’s put an end… The final.” Is a beautiful line, and needs to be sung quietly, but who could blame? It was The Final. You can’t not freak out.


This song was one of the best preformed at the concert.


This song is so sexy. I will start off by saying that. And I loved the transition between THE FINAL and it, because the audience had all of like, two seconds to get their voices back before we went right on screaming. They played it so well… It sounded just like the track, if not a million times better, and his opening Kyoscreamie was absolutely perfect. I loved the way the guitars were played during this track, and Kyo was all over the place, and I remember him being particularly obnoxious during this song. (I loved it.)

I wasn’t watching him quite as much though. I’m really infatuated with the lead guitar in this song, so I was staring down Die and Kaoru like a forensics expert or something, and they both had their I’m a fuckin’ rock star/I’m your Kami and/or Rei-sama thing going down, and it was just awesome. I don’t have the words to this memorized, but who needed words? Kyo had this song owned. I just jumped until my legs were screaming at me something terrible and I could ring sweat out of my hair.

And of course hearing him half-whisper “AC/DC, fuck you.” was amusing. Probably a little too much so, to be candid.


This is one of my favorite Dir En Grey songs. I like a lot of their songs. I mean, a lot. And when I first heard this song, I hated it, and for a while I just skipped over it, because, on a first listen, it sounded like a bunch of screaming, and I really don’t like an entire song of screaming. But it wasn’t. It was around the time I took my Peninsula assessment that I truly fell in love with this song, and now I could probably recite every word (…sound, thing. I’m still learning my Japanese.) back to you, somewhat fluently. Saku. Ah… how I love Saku.

So when GREIF ended and, amongst the screaming, mine very much included, Kyo let something beautiful, and almost hysterical (-though not in the context related to the word “funny”) scream, I recognized it instantly, and I shouted, though I doubt anyone heard me “I LOVE THIS SONG!” I think Stacie had recognized it, but maybe not, and either way, the way she looked was that she was enjoying it.

The way they played this… there was so much beautiful rage in it, and I sang along with him, and for the period that they played it, I hated everyone too. Probably because I have such a passion for this song does it strike me so much, but when he sang “Sezarawarau kano you ni hakujitsu no moto sarakedashita nodoka ni nagareru aka no kawa”… Christ. I had always loved that line, but hearing it live, feeling the music inside of me and exhausting me to a breaking point, it was amazing.

The interval between this and the next song was just… weird. Kyo arched his shoulders and got really tense, and he was whispering into the microphone “Mama? Mama?” and some other just… crazy stuff, and he sounded like a little, terrified kid, and the crowd went crazy, and then he would burst into a scream, then go back to crying, then do another mating call, then do a few more mating calls, and start crying a bit, then scream again. It was just… I loved it, it was beautiful, but I didn’t know what the hell it was.

Itoshisa wa Fuhai ni Tsuki

This song is beautiful. It just… is. I can’t really explain it, but it’s doesn’t really require much, does it? The way they played it… it was so defined, and the audience quieted down so much for them so everyone could hear them. Kyo really just pelted it in this one, and the whole band was so blatantly giving it their all. Everything about the performance, from every angle, was done splendidly, and it was awing to watch.

The thing that mildly annoyed me about this performance was the fact that people were singing along to it. This, and a few other songs, just needs to be left to Kyo, and just Kyo, especially since most of the people singing this song were singing it just flat out incorrectly. But it could have been a lot worse than it was, and the performance of the song was beautiful, and the light show for this one in particular was breathtaking.

kodoku ni shisu, yue ni kodoku

I was outright shocked that they played this one. It was one soft-ish song after another, and the opening guitar to this song has always astounded me. Kyo’s quiet singing to this one was just… intense, so intense, and I was amazed to watch it. When the band burst into this one… They played it so well. I was just astonished. I knew Dir En Grey were awesome live, but I didn’t know how awesome, and that’s what really blew me away about the concert.

The transitions from soft to loud were awesome in this song, and the audience was pretty much screaming it’s ass off the entire time. (However, since this song has more power to it, it was justified. I get easily annoyed with audiences when they scream through quiet songs and you can’t hear anything. I suck like that.) I remember the guitars were played so intensely in this song, and hot damn, all around it was just amazing.

Ryoujoku no ame

Yet another song I knew through the leak version, and I love this one. It’s just got this weird, intense feel to it, and everything about the way they played this one was just awesome. Most of the audience didn’t know it, because they were pretty quiet through this play, and I saw a lot of people looking at each other like “What the hell is this?” and I was pretty quiet too, mostly because I was batshit tired, my hair was soaked in sweat at this point, and even though I recognized the tune, I knew all of zero words.

Kyo’s screams in this one were fairly entertaining to watch, and the guitarwork was just insane in this one, and I remember Shinya was giving it his all, because I watched him a lot in this one. All around, this song was just a great performance, but I can’t remember anything specifically noteworthy about it, other than the crowd just screaming the roof off when it was over.


HAHA I LOVE THIS SONG. The crowd was fairly screamtastic in this song, especially in the beginning, and I think it was this song that Kaoru did this little backwards half-leg grind-ish thing to Kyo, because on the recording there’s this really abrupt burst of very loud, obnoxious female screaming, for no real apparent reason in just listening to it. Kyo was pelting it to hell and back, and god did he sound really, really pissed off, and it is times like these that I wish I knew Japanese. I was one of the few fans who were pretty obsessive over Diru that didn’t know Japanese. I fail. =_=;

I remember the song ended just hard, with a very hard, extended, grunge-distorted sounding guitar from whoever was responsible (I couldn’t tell, and I can’t remember at this point) but such an ending seems to always call for a lot of screaming. As well, my mom and Stacie’s step-mom left right about here, so we grabbed our stuff and took their seats, which were a lot better than ours, and I rather appreciated it. (Thank you mom for going to drink and smoke in the bar and talk about how much you hate the band with all the other parents.)


Kyo was doing something beautiful before this song began. It was basically him against a very loud crowd, little guitar help, and he was projecting his voice in double directions, and unless he had studio help, he was activating both sets of his vocal chords, which I definitely wouldn’t put past his ability to do. I didn’t know exactly what he was saying, but his hands were raised and there was this yellow light from beneath him, and if he ever really did look like a god during the show, it was at this point. Everything was like a prayer, and I remember myself and Stacie just staring at each other, and mumbling about how damn beautiful it was, and the intensity of the scene, all the colors, the screaming, and the way Kyo could make you really want to worship him I can’t really describe in words.

So I took a picture. Unfortunately, the picture absolutely sucks, but if you stare at it you can recognize form and see what’s going on. This scene remains plastered in my brain, and it was my favorite part of the show. Of all the songs they played that I love. Of all the things they did that made me scream. The moment where they just struck me into an awed silence is the moment I remember so vividly and hold in contented memory with the more dramatic of content.

When it was over, Shokubeni actually began, I listened, but I couldn’t really pay too much attention to the song, as I was in a slightly stunned state from what Kyo had done. I screamed, I screamed, and I screamed, but I was stuck in what had been all of a minute before, my mind just recollecting it again and again, setting it on repeat until something could jerk me back into the present. The song itself, I can’t remember much of, but I lost my voice for about a minute during this song until I swallowed some saliva and forced it right back. Because I wanted to scream. And goddamn, if I want to scream, I will scream.

The song itself is really good, just as pretty much everything off the Vulgar album is, but as I listen to it over in the recording I can’t remember it at all. It’s like an empty void in my head, and that’s hardly beneficial for me, but is as is. Kyo did some rather strange, erratic screams in the points when the band would stop so he could pelt whatever he wanted.

In contrast to this one, I remember the next song quite vividly.

Merciless Cult

Is there anyone who doesn’t like this song? I’m sure everyone who was a fan knew it by heart, because we all sang it in some form of perfect harmony. Kyo, quiet as he was in the opening, was still managing to make himself heard over all of our screams and the pounding guitars and drums. The chorus was literally 1200 people, plus Kyo, and it wasn’t exactly perfect, but it was close. I sang. I sang my heart out to this one. I don’t memorize songs I don’t know the language of very well, but I know this one back to front, and the performance was just… god. One of the best preformed songs at the show, I think.

I remember, for some reason, watching the pit audience below me, and it really didn’t look like an audience at all. They were cast red, and then purple, and then red again, and they pumped their fist and banged their heads and screamed and sang and cried, but it was all one. A single mass of people, not 800 different ones, and even though people were sitting down in the balcony where I was at, those who were Diru fans, we were a part of them, leaning against the rail and screaming and singing.

This song was even more united, than THE FINAL had been, which doesn’t cease to amaze me still.

dead tree

This one really did surprise me. Of all the songs I thought they would play, dead tree was definitely not one of them, but it was a very pleasant surprise. The chords, the way the morbid sounds reverberated through the room, and the audience even got relatively quiet for Kyo’s singing. I love this song, and the way it sounded when he burst into the really violent chorus was just… my god. (So to speak.) This song really is something like an anthem, and the tones are so sad, longing, almost, and listening to them play it before me, a song I really loved was just… I know I’ve said this about nearly every song, but it was just intense.


I really didn’t know what they could play to follow up Merciless Cult and dead tree and get the audience to be just as worshipping as they had been the previous two songs, so when OBSCURE came on, I just grinned like a loser. Everyone just outright screamed when the chords to this one began, and as the tones came through, in all of their threatening, angry beauty, we were on our knees worshipping them yet again. (And content, of course.)

They played this one about fifty times better than the album does the song justice. Christ. The song has always had the ability to give me chills, and the distorted guitars could just make my back arch, but during Kyo’s very, very passionate singing of the chorus… Hot damn. That’s the best way to describe it; passionate, because, in all of his anger and in the sadness of the chorus, in the way he ran around the stage having a bit of a fit, he owned the audience completely, and yet there was a somewhat portrayal of desperation in his voice. The song ended, and Kyo’s voice was a loud and just goddamn perfect.

And here is where they walk off the stage. This was certainly not received well, and we knew the show wasn’t over yet, but god, they made us wait and wait and wait, I wanted to put a bullet through my head. Many times did we start chanting “DIR EN GREY!” and then it would stop, then it would start again, then it would stop, and this went on for a very sad while, and Stacie and I took the time to sit down and catch our breath, chanting Dir En Grey when it was to be, and just relaxing when need be. It took forever for them to come, just forever, and it certainly a crowd motivator, because when they finally walked back on stage, we were nice and ready for them.

I remember watching Die and just smiling like a loon when he came back out, because he had his whole “I’m a fucking rock star” face, and he indicated for the audience to just keep screaming, and that we did. In fact, pretty much everyone was going crazy, because the band had certainly teased us for like, ten minutes, probably longer (or maybe it just felt like that because I needed them.) So yeah, when they’re back out before us, we’re pretty much a crowd of completely unabridged psychos, and everyone’s on their feet, screaming up delight for the fact that they’re finally here again.

And so chords were once again struck up.


This was really a great way to start back up. Power, and the band is perfect, and Kyo is insane, and the crowd is louder and more demanding than ever before, and that’s what makes it so perfect. I have every lyric to this song memorized, but I don’t sing until the chorus, which comes somewhat delayed to loud, somewhat agonized screams from Kyo, and it’s all beautiful and violent and just perfect, in every sick littler mannerism. They crash through the song and once again we’re swept off our feet, and we keep up only somewhat with everything around us. (Such is the meaning of being swept off your feet is it not?)


Oh sweet jesus. THE IIID EMPIRE. I have a crush on the opening guitar solo hardcore, and it is played a million fold perfectly, and the light show is awesome, and just as the chords are played and I register what’s being played, I let loose and scream for the only J-rap song I have ever liked, let alone love like I do. Kyo’s singing totally rocks the house, and thank god that no one tries to rap with him, because I want to hear his voice. I want to hear it. And I am allowed that want, and through the entire song, it’s a fucking trip, for lack of a better term.

Everything about it, every last little thing, it was all somewhat laced with insanity, which was more than alright with me and everyone in there. After all, that had pretty much been the entire concert. With the projections showing us the strangest, most beautifully morbid of things, like cannibalistic promiscuous demon Geisha that were eating babies, or projections of some of their stranger PVs, Like Saku, for instance. But during this song, no one was even daring to look at the projection, no one was blinking, and everyone was screaming and singing where such should be, and everything was perfect in a contradictory sort of way.

The song draws to a close and is replaced, almost instantaneously, with another.

Beautiful Dirt

Kyo’s burst into the rabid screaming of the beginning of this song were very, very satisfactory to hear, and the high-pitched parts of this song he sang without flaw, which is hardly surprising. They slammed through this one, and this was yet another song that was a million times better than on the record, and I sang my heart out. I knew I was probably singing it incorrectly, because, as stated before, I’m rather bad at memorizing songs in languages I don’t know, but I did my best and had fun with it. I’ve always been able to dance and shriek to this one. And I was geekily proud of myself for knowing it fairly well.


As this song came on, I knew it would be the last one, and it was both very sad, and pretty damn invigorating at the same time. Everyone screamed something obscene in recognition, and we sang along, not in harmony, because we were all too psyched to do so, but we did the best that we could. Though… when the entire crowd screamed ONE DAY I WILL FUCK YOUR PARENTS that was pretty much in sync. Which is what made it so brutally awesome. Kyo was crazy as he could be in this one, Shinya was a ball of fluff with some seriously overactive arms from behind his drum set, Die was being the rockstar he is, Toshiya and Kaoru were giving it their all, and the crowd, especially the ones that knew that this will be the last track, were as loud and obscene and harmonic as they could possibly be.

The closing to this was dragged out, Shinya played and played and played, the guitars screeched, Kyo did his thing, and there was some weird, soft, angelic sort of tune played afterwards, and such signified that it was over for good. The screams continued for a while, and I was definitely included, because I know that even if they didn’t see me as far away as I was, I wanted them to know I liked them, and be one more pair of vocal chords making some noise. Drum sticks, water bottles, guitar picks, a shirt (I think), water, and just about everything possible was tossed into the crowd, and we just screamed and screamed and screamed.

And then it was over.

Random notes:

- I don’t remember when, but Kyo was dumping water on himself a lot, and he grabbed a bucket from out of nowhere and dumped it all over himself, a ton of water, and on the bucket were the bright, shining letters of RAPE ME and groped at his bits, and it was pretty much all I, and everyone else in the audience, could do to not satisfy the demand. Then he ripped it off and tossed it backwards to the drums, and poor Shinya flinched something terrible. I was laughing (and nosebleeding) at the scene.

- I don’t know when Kyo cut himself, but I saw my mom just cringe when he did, especially in response to my… history, and she thought he cut himself on the neck or something, and Stacie and I were like “… Um, no, he cut himself in the inside of his cheeks >_>;” because when he did, he just spat this mouthful of blood onto himself, and it ran down his mouth, onto his chest, and it both disturbed me and was beautiful, though I hated to hear how people were talking about how hot it was… Kyo does it for a reason, and it’s certainly not to please American fangirls.

Stacie and I managed to somehow squeeze out of the venue, but not after Stacie snagged a hug from the Bleed the Dream front man (he clung to her, it was adorable) and we collected some guitar picks from them, as well as some stickers, and when we finally made it up to my mom, she had a Diru postcard thing for me. I was walking on Sunshine, and just in awe, and I think I was pretty much talking at a mile a minute.

My mom hated them XD Which I had expected, but she had to admit that each of them were extremely talented musicians, give or take. Stacie was outright exhausted, and the drive back to the hotel was relatively quiet, and once we were in the hotel I got a cup of water and Stacie immediately crawled in her bed and laid there until she wasn’t flat dead. I drank a lot (dehydration u_u;) and for most of the time we just talked. Talked about whatever. Childhood, friends, relationships, everything and anything we wanted to and then we made out a lot..

Sleep came after three some-odd, and I woke up again after all of three hours sleep to get dressed and the like. Sunday was depressing, and it moved in fast forward, mostly comprised of makingout eating oranges, listening to music, and getting overly inspired to write ItaShi. Eventually my mom and I had to go, and I gave Stacie one last bearhug before the very painful drive home, which went through without a hitch and was fairly quick.

And when I got home I spent the next two weeks writing up this live report. ^__^<3<3

SO. THERE YOU HAVE IT. Morgan’s twenty page live report of the Diru concert in Atlanta :DD
Tags: dir en grey, dir en grey concert, live report, stacie


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